when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
