Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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