I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
