I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
