I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
