this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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