brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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