Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Can vaginas get frostbite?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
