I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
