btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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