"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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