He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
