remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I party with great urgency now.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize