Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
