This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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