I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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