I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
