I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
