So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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