I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Randomize
