So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
