Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I have tasted many bathrooms
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
