You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
