everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
