WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
