I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
