Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
