You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Your cock deserves a montage
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
