Umm I'm too high to move.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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