Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
And then he peed in my hair
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