just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
