I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
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