Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize