i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
