So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
