Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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