can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
