I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
