we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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