Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
