all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
