it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
