Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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