Where is the hickey?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
