I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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