She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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