Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
