mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
