i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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