I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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