I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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