Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
