i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
