My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
