Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
