Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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