im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
