she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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