There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
