My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
love makes seman taste better
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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