new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
