Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
