I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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