If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
