Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
