i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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