the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
