Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize