Having a random hookup so left but love u
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
