I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
